I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
