I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
