Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
