Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
