im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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