Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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