He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
