What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
