I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
40s are totally the cure
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
