i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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