i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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