I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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