he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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