just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
