i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
