Im at strip club and am horny
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
