The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
