can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
