ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
