Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
