saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
