my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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