do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
