He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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