I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
