Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
