Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
