p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
