New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Randomize
