Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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