she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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