Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
