Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
