And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
