Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
