alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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