you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
