So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
