Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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