I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
