Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
