I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
