So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
