between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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