dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
