You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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