you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
