You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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