you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
