Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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